This blog wasn’t supposed to go this way. When I received a press release espousing the importance of strong hotel names, I originally had intended to validate this claim by highlighting the best property names in the world. But as I began to research, I quickly found that compiling a list of the worst hotel names was not only a tad easier, it was a helluva lot more fun.
With that, here are the worst 10 hotel names in the world. (Note: This list in no way reflects the opinions of the fine folks at my parent company, its affiliates, or my peers—although many among the latter are snickering as they read this.)
Old Barn Resort and Rivers’ Bend Golf Course, Preston, Minnesota
The 43-bed hotel and surrounding 200-acre property is an outdoorsman’s heaven, but the name conjures images of decaying wood beams and an uncomfortable night’s sleep on a prickly bale of hay.
Arsenic and Old Lace Bed and Breakfast, Eureka Springs, Arkansas
I don’t know what’s worse: the poisonous metalloid or the creepy, old lace. The latter makes me think of a reanimated corpse bride, coming back to life to enact her revenge by making wedding guests endure cheesy DJs and a tiresome speech by the maid of honor.
French Lick Resort, French Lick, Indiana
Diplomacy be damned! If I see any Frenchmen approaching with their tongues stuck out, I’ll clobber them with the nearest baguette.
Elephant Butte Inn and Spa, Elephant Butte, New Mexico
Nothing says a relaxing day at the spa like the behind of the world’s largest land mammal.
The NoBody Inn, Doddiscombsleigh, United Kingdom
I would never call myself ostentatious or showy, but I do prefer to feel like a somebody when traveling.
Hotel Ufuk, Göreme, Turkey
I’m not touching this one.
Barf House, Barf, England
Ever since that contemptuous rabble rouser Jimmy Turner barfed on my shoes in second grade, I’ve never been able to stomach human bile. (Pun!) It doesn’t look like guests at this quaint little B&B were able to either; the place recently closed.
Resist Bacteria Hotel, Kashgar, China
We often stress the importance of a clean, comfortable room, but this is taking it to a whole other level. I can only assume guests are deloused as they check in.
Ah Chew Hotel, Singapore
Terrible’s Hotel Casino, Las Vegas
For a place with a name like “Terrible,” this hotel and casino actually looks like a lot of fun.
Have any other terrible hotel names to share? Feel free to list them below or email me at email@example.com.